Of Love and Insanity
by Actual Reality
Summary: [RENT] Roger left the East Village and became a big rock star. Mark stayed behind and went insane. SLASH! AU Angel is alive
1. Chapter 1

Title: Of love and Insanity Author: Actual Reality Rating: ummm... depends on how it turns out for now it can be PG-13 Parings: Roger/Mark Angel/Collins Maureen/Joanne Mimi/OC Disclaimer: Rent does not belong to me but the great Mr. Larson Summary: Roger left the East Village and became a big rock star. Mark stayed behind and went insane. The original plotline author, BohemiaLMM, granted me the permission for this plot. The original story is called "For Once the Shadows Gave Way to Light"  
Betas: Sabina (Who is totally AWESOME! She is so good!) And of course Chris (who rocks also)  
Ok, now that I have all the necessities done... the standard disclaimer applies and always will.

It felt weird, knocking on the door of a place I lived in for so long. It would have been longer, but leaving for three years changes a lot in this world. The door is actually locked. We never used to lock it. Sure the door downstairs was locked, but that is because Benny is a prude.

I knocked again, louder then before, and I heard footsteps coming towards the door. Collins slid it open and stood there staring at me; I don't think he realized who I was. That hurt a lot. I had lived with Collins forever and he didn't even recognize me. I have had my face on the cover of magazines, people I don't even care to know, know who I am and one of my best friends didn't.

Things change a lot in three years. That time felt so slow, yet so fast at the same time.

Collins still had not said anything, he was just looking at me, as though he really didn't believe I was there, like he was wondering why I cam back at all. I stood still and let him stare on until he opened the door and let me in. I walked in and looked around. The loft looked very different. None of my shit was lying around; actually, not much was lying around. It was really clean. It almost looked bare. The appliances were all up to date and nothing was obviously illegal. Weird.

"Roger, why are you here? Why did you choose now of all times to show back up in New York?" Collins finally said. His voice sounded the same, maybe a little tired, but he still had his deep rumbling voice. Not that I thought it would change, mind you, but it was one thing around here that had not changed. Collins hadn't changed and it felt good that something around in this world felt the same.

"We just finished the third album and I wanted to come see you guys. It has been too long and for that I am sorry," I answered after my minor spacing. In reality I couldn't take the dreams I had been having without doing something about them.

I came back for Mark. I had along time to think and realize some things about my best friend. I am in love with him. Not brotherly love but full on "Shout it off the tower" in love with him.

Mark is the best friend I could ever hope to have him. I know it must have been hard on Mark during my heroin withdrawal. I had to go through it with Mimi, but I was not as forgiving as Mark was. We ended up breaking up in tears, with angry words flung at each other. We weren't talking when I left, but I hope it will be okay now. But Mark took my punches. He put up with me, made me take my AZT, made me eat, he took my crap, but he still stayed with me. 

Running from the Alphabet City was the worst things I could do to him, but I had not fulfilled my dream them. I wasn't going to come back until I had a steady job. I wanted to be a rock star, and I got my wish. I now have a steady paycheck (that has four zeros on it) and I loved the music.

Now I was back. I had something for each of my friends and a brand new CD for Mark that wasn't even out yet.

I never forgot to sing a song for him at concerts and all of my CDs were dedicated to him. I always sang one for him. When he first came to one of my gigs he asked me to sing a song for him and I did. I have never missed it and I never will.

I finish my zone out and look at Collins.

"So... how is everything?"

"How is everyone or how is life going?"

"Both" I said with a nervous chuckle, which Collins matched with a hearty laugh at my antics.

"Well..." Collins paused and breathed deep and exhaled before leading me over to the couch. The couch was new too. Collins sat down and patted the cushion next to him. I complied and he continued. "Well let's see. I am good. I am back teaching at NYU, brain-dead classes, but it pays well. Angel is doing so much better. The new AZT has helped tremendously. It's amazing really. Mimi is happy and married to Jonathan. He had a daughter before he met Mimi, so she is Brittany's mother. Brittany is three and never knew her own mother and Jonathan is a quiet shy guy, but he is really nice. Oh! Mimi is co-owner of the Life now. Let's see... Maureen is... Maureen. She is the drama teacher at the high school. Joanne is still at her firm" Collins stopped there and looked away from me, "Roger there is something you need to know."

Something I need to know? What happened? What about Mark? He still about told me anything about Mark!

"What happened to Mark? Collins? What happened?" I could feel the tears behind my eyes and for once I had no second thoughts about holding them back. What happened? I could feel the beginnings of a panic attack. My chest was too tight and the room felt too small. "WHAT HAPPENED Collins?"

"Roger, when you left, Mark went insane. When you went away, he went away too, just not in body, but in mind. All day, all he would do is sit in his room talking to himself about how you went away from him and were not going to come back. He thought you left because of him." Collins had a pissed off look on his face at recalling that part of the past. I could tell how much it hurt him to have to tell me that. It hurt me too. "So, a year or so after you left, we had Mark admitted. We never left him though. We had someone there everyday, and for a little over a year, Angel has been working there as a private nurse. But he doesn't talk to anyone but Angel... I take that back. He says 'Hi' to Maureen every time she comes."

My Mark was Insane. My Mark was pretty much mute. My Mark was in an asylum. This was a lot to take in. I was hoping to come home, take Mark in my arms and love him the way he was supposed to be loved. But now... My hopes were shattered.

I sat back into the couch and looked at the wall. Collins didn't say anything. He just sat there supporting me silently. Good ole Collins. He is always there when you needed support, he was even there when he was at MIT, and he was just a phone call away.

He let me think for twenty minutes before he said anything else. "Rog, because it is Saturday, we all usually go see Mark. Would you like to go with us? He gets to go out today, and we were going to go to the Life."

"Sure, let's go." I spoke without thinking. I wanted to see my Mark.

Angel was at her desk at work. Of course she loved being here, but today she just wanted to go out. They got to take Mark out and he they had been looking to it for a month now. It wasn't very common that patients were allowed to go outside the asylum, but Mark was a 'model crazy person' (That was how Mark referred to himself).

Mark had made a lot of progress in his time here. He didn't talk to himself in corners anymore. He still didn't talk to many people, just Angel and his normal two words to Maureen, but he was getting better.

BeepBeepBeep Angel's AZT buzzer went off, but Angel waited to take it. The new AZT worked so well and had helped her so much. It was amazing.

The door of the office opened and Angel looked up. Mark walked through the door in his hospital issued pajamas and went over to the chair in front of Angel's desk.

Most patients could walk around the hospital and the wing that held the worker's offices, but few were allowed in the rooms. Angel had made sure Mark had full access to her office, even if he only came in when he knew Angel's beeper went off.

Mark made sure Angel took her AZT everyday, at the times she was scheduled to take it. Angel had taken over the place for Mark's nagging. Mark nagged her a lot, mostly about her meds.

Mark used to nag Roger. Roger. There was a topic that came up all the time. Mark was in totally in love with him. Angel read him every article where the name Roger Davis came up.

"Hey Mark. How did you sleep last night?"

Mark went behind Angel's desk and opened the top drawer that held Angel's meds. Mark opened the pill bottle and gave Angel one. He then closed the bottle and returned it to the drawer and closed it. Mark did this everyday.

"I tried to sleep." Mark responded, looking down.

Tried... Tried and did not succeed. "Did anyone give you anything to help you sleep?"

Angel only worked until two officially, but most of the time she was there longer. Last night she had to get home because they watched Brittany, so Angel was not there to help Mark fall asleep. Group things nowadays was seriously lacking with two of their group members missing, so Angel spent a lot of the time she would have been alone at home at the hospital.

"No" Angel was snapped out of her thoughts by Mark's delayed answer. Mark was still standing next to Angel, looking at her.

"Do you want me to read you something?"

"Take your AZT."

Angel finally realized she still had the pill in her hand. She quickly swallowed it with some water. Mark gave her a smile and sat back on the other side in the chair.

"The gang is coming and we are going to take you out today. You still want to go to the Life right?" Mark nodded and Angel smiled. "Maureen said she had something to give you, but I have no clue what it is."

"Okay."

"So, Mark, are you ready?" It was time for Angel to do her daily process. "Okay, Mark can I see your arms?" Mark pushed his too big sleeves up over his elbows and held the out to Angel. He knew the routine well, even though he had never though about hurting himself, this was necessary. Angel quickly scanned Mark's pale forearms and pulled the sleeves back down. "Okay, can you tell me what this looks like to you?" Angel pulled out an inkblot sheet. To Angel this routine was stupid, but it was her job.

"A guitar"

Of course, the answer could be traced back to Roger.

"Okay, now for the pills." Angel went back to the cupboard behind her desk and pulled Mark's box down and took out his pills. She watched as Mark swallowed them one by one. "Great! Now, why don't you go watch some T.V. while I check up on my other patients and once the others get here I will come get you. Remember not to eat lunch because we are taking you out. Everyone else knows you are going, so you wont get in trouble."

We walked down the sterile hallway with Collins leading the way. Maureen had joined us at the loft and spent all of her time glaring at me. She was carrying a box for Mark that had a bunch of paper and a lot of pencils in it. Apparently Mark had just been granted permission to use them while under supervision, but he had not been told he could yet.

The more I thought about Mark being locked up here, the more I wish for a chance to make him all better, for the chance for him to be sane again.

We stopped at the front desk and the lady who was working there barely looked up before handing badges to Collins.

"Hey Martha. We have another with us today."

"Oh! Okay!" She looked excited once she saw me.

"And Joanne, Mimi and Brittany wont be coming unless they come with us when we have to bring Mark back." Collins explained, handing three of the badges back. Martha stood up and took the badges from Collins' hand and sat back down finishing the paperwork.

About three minutes later I was handed a clipboard with the paperwork on it. I was not surprised to see that most of it had already been filled out. All I had to do was sign the damn thing. I quickly did so and received my badge.

We made our way down some more sterile hallways until we came to a door.

"This is Angel's office. We are going to stop by before seeing Mark" Maureen explained to me. Most of the bitterness was out of her voice. Maybe she noticed that I was beyond nervous.

Collins opened the door and I saw the inside of the office. It was very Angel. Tastefully done, yet, not overly so. The colors stood out, just like Angel does all the time.

Collins went in first, followed by Maureen, and I slowly brought up the rear.

A/N Yay! Another story that will take me forever to finish, but this time I have it all written out! I just have to find time to type it and get it beta'd! 


	2. Chapter 2

Of Love and Insanity Chapter 2 Meetings.

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.

My Betas rocks! I love you, empath86!

And I slowly brought up the rear. Angel didn't see me at first; actually I doubt she saw anyone but Collins. She gave him a kiss and he pulled her to against his chest. They were still as sappy as ever.

Angel looked good. She was not pale or sickly as she was when I left. The new AZT must have been a blessing in disguise. Angel still moved with the liquid grace she always had possessed.

"Let me finish up here, then I will take you in. He didn't sleep last night, but I don't think anyone noticed because no one gave him anything. He has been really excited to go out today, for the past week he has wanted to go to the Life." Angel rambled on as she went back to the paperwork at her desk. Maureen followed and sat on the corner of Angel's desk, speaking so only Angel could hear. After a couple of minutes, Angel looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey Roger! Come over here!" I slowly made my way into the room and she met me with a smile and pulled me into a hug. "I've missed you Mark is going to be totally shocked to see you here!"

I pulled back and gave her a smile in return. "I've missed you a lot too, all of you guys. Did you listen to my second CD? Well if you did the song 'Undiscovered" is for you."

"I thought so! Thank you Roger, I really loved that CD. I sure have listened to it a lot! Mark has had me read every thing that says your name to him; he has been keeping completely up to date with everything you do. Sorry, I am babbling. Let's go see him, shall we? We get to take him out today."

Angel quickly walked to the door and ushered us all out.

We were back in the sterile hallways. We turned a corner, and the hallway we walked into had doors.

"Okay Roger, right now, because it is an hour before lunch, everyone is required to be in their rooms. Make sure you don't open any of the doors. The patients in here are insane, and some are violent. Most of the irrationally violent ones are on the next floor up, but some..."

"I wont, promise." I said letting her warning sink in. Mark was here with violent people; I hoped nothing had happened to him so far. Mark was such a calm guy. 

And I had no intention of seeing other crazy people. Some of my fans were crazy enough for me, and I had to deal with those people all the time.

We stopped at room 67197 and Angel knocked three times before pushing the door open. She walked in after motioning to us to stay outside. She spoke into the room. I couldn't see anything, but I could hear Angel's sweet voice in a one sided conversation.

She must have motioned for us to come in because Maureen was pushing Collins in through the doorway.

"Marky! How are you baby?" Maureen said going over to the table to put the present and the clothes for Mark to wear latter down.

"Hi Maureen." Mark said looking down at the bed.

Mark didn't look much different at all. He was paler and he didn't have his glasses, but his body was still scrawny and his hair was still dirty blond and messy. His eyes probably had that sad, distant look he got every time I used to yell or I would push him away, but I couldn't see his face.

I moved into the room more and stood by the bed.

"Mark, look who came back to see you." Angel spoke softly to him. She was sitting on Collins' lap who was sitting on the bed.

Mark lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. His eyes wore a look I had never seen on my best friend before. His eyes looked surprised, happy, mad and disbelieving at the same time. At first his face was just blank, the he looked mad.

"YOU ARE NOT MY ROGER!" Mark yelled. Angel reached over to calm him down but Mark pulled away and curled up.

"What?" I responded dumbly, looking at his huddled form.

"MY Roger does not wear designer clothes! MY Roger doesn't care what he looks like!" Mark has tears streaming his face and swiped at them angrily. "My Roger would have come back sooner" He broke down crying and I went over to him.

"You Roger always sang a song for you at every gig. Your Roger always waited for you backstage, even when you didn't come. I never forgot Mark. Every CD has a song for you, every concert I sing one of the hundreds of songs I wrote for you. And, I came back Mark. I am here. I cam e back for you."

Mark's crying slowed and he looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes. I sat down and gathered him into my arms. I hugged his shoulders into my chest and he let his head rest on my collarbone and his eyes fall closed. I leaned back into the wall and pulled him into my lap. We just sat there, me stroking his back and placing small kisses into his hair for a few minutes.

Everyone else in the room was quiet. I wasn't paying attention to any one but Mark. They let us have our time.

BeepBeepBeep

Damn it. Of all times, my goddamned beeper just had to go off.

Mark lifted his head and looked around.

"What is it Mark?"

"Take your AZT."

I smiled at that. It had been so long since the real Mark had been able to nag at me about that.

I pulled my pill bottle out the front pocket of my pants and swallowed one dry.

"Have you been taking them like you are supposed to?" Mark asked, staring at the label of the bottle I still had in my hand. I smiled and rested the back of my head against the wall. I looked around at everyone else in the room. The look on Collins' face was priceless. He looked at Mark like he was an alien imposter... and the fact that I knew what that look looked like told me I watched too many alien imposter movies in my spare time.

I looked to Maureen and she looked mad again. I think it was because Mark has said more to me in a few minutes then he must say to her in a year. I could understand her disappointment this time.

Angel looked shocked, but beyond happy. It must have been hard to have one of your best friends not talking to anyone but you.

"Yah I have." My smile came back at remembering. "Every time my beeper went off, I could hear your voice in my head, telling me to take it."

Mark nodded and took the pill bottle out of my hand. He looked through the orange-ish clear bottle, counting the pills. Once he was done he reached down and placed the bottle back in my pocket. I chuckled and he let me pull his head back down onto my chest.

It felt so good to hold him. This is what I wanted. This is what I came back for.

"Hey guys, I think it is time to go. Lets get out of this place!" Angel jumped off the bed and held her hand out to Collins, helping him to stand.

I gave Mark and soft nudge and held his hips steady as he stood up off the bed. We started to make our way out until Maureen stopped us.

"Mark, you can't go out looking like that!" She went over to the small table where she had sat the present (that went unnoticed by everyone) and the Clothes for Mark to wear today. Mark's eyes brightened and he let Maureen place the articles in his hands.

"You guys go outside and we will be there in a minute. Collins, can you go to my office, and in the medicine cabinet on the back wall there is a box on the top shelf with Mark's name on it. His glasses are in there." Collins set off to follow the request and Maureen and I went to stand outside the door.

We just stood there for a couple of seconds before either of us got the guts to say something. This was the longest time we had been together alone for three years, and we couldn't find the right thing to say. Those few moments were awkward, but they passed as soon as Maureen started talking.

"Look Roger, I am sorry for the attitude I had earlier. I really have missed you."

Maureen... apologized?

"I missed you too Maureen. It was funny now that I look back on this, but when I first got to LA, I had this really bitchy manager, and every time I had to talk to him, I kept imagining what you would say."

Maureen laughed at this. It was good to have almost everyone laughing again. They must have not laughed a lot in the past three years.

"Just don't leave us again Roger"

"I never will." That was a promise I intended to keep. There was no way I would ever leave them again, the last time cost me too much and put too much stress on everyone in the process.

Collins came back down the hallway, cleaning Mark's glasses with a tissue. He stood by us in silence until Angel and Mark came out.

"Ready for this?" Angel asked. She had changed too, and was now in a dress. Maureen must have had clothes for Angel too, because she was wearing a nurses outfit.

Well all agreed it was time to go. Mark came over and slipped his hand into mine.

I just squeezed his hand and we followed the others outside into the daylight.

WOO HOO! Chapter 2! I love finishing Work early! I have more time to write! 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 A day on the town.

Notes: Thank you to all of the reviewers! I do have something to say though. If you don't like slash, please do not read this. It isn't as if I forced anyone but Chris to read it!

Thank you again to my wonderful Beta Empath and BohemiaLMM for letting me use the plot.

Disclaimer: the usual. I don't own, so don't sue.

By the time we got to Angel's car, Mark had my arm in a vise grip. I had to move it quickly or it was going to fall asleep, so I inched my arm out slowly. Once I had that done, I shook it out, getting the feeling back.

Mark had a little freak out when he wasn't touching me, so he plastered himself to my side. I now had feeling back in my arm, so I placed it over his shoulder. He brought his other side into my chest, and slid his arms around my waist. He was extremely tense, but he wasn't hyperventilating or anything.

Once we got to the front entrance of the Life CafŽ, Mark stopped dead. It wasn't very crowed, but Angel had told me he didn't do very well with people around him. I stood in front of him and brought out foreheads together.

"You okay?" Mark nodded slowly and looked over my shoulder.

A waiter brought us to our table (Apparently we still sat at our old table) and we sat down. I sat at one end with Mark next to me, and Angel, who sat next to Collins as usual, sat next to Mark. Maureen sat down in front of Mark, and the rest of the seats were empty.

We had just ordered our drinks (Angel ordered for Mark), when a little girl with curly brown hair ran up to Maureen's chair.

"Reeny!" The little girl squealed as she climbed up into the chair, flopped down in Maureen's lap and kissed her cheek.

"Hey Britt! Where is your Mama?"

"She's talking to daddy. He didn't have to work cause it's SATURDAY!" The little girl laughed and yelled. She threw her arms to the sides as she said Saturday. She acted a little too much like Maureen. We really shouldn't let her around little children, even if the sight of the two of them was pretty cute.

The waiter returned and took our food orders. Mark inched into me again as the waiter turned his attention to him. He buried his face in my shoulder, and I ordered for him. Once the waiter left, Angel gave Mark a pill to calm him down.

Joanne showed up right before the waiter left to place our order.

"Sorry I'm late! The meeting ran later then I expected." Joanne sat down next to Maureen and gave her a kiss. Maureen pointed me out and Joanne reached over the table. I shook hands with her as she welcomed me back. She politely ignored Mark noticing his position against my shoulder.

The little girl finally noticed I was there. "Who are you?" she asked out of the blue.

"Hi, I am Roger Davis"

"Oh. You're a singer! Mama listens to you a lot!" Maureen was practically pulling her off the table because she was so excited.

Just as I was about to answer, our food arrived. The man set a few plates down and grabbed the little girl.

"Daddy!" She laughed as he sat her in a high chair at the other end of the table.

"Hey Jonathan" A chorus of voices rang out at our table. I assumed this was Mimi's husband. He was an apparent nice guy, just the kind Mimi needed.

"Okay, I have a plate of spaghetti for Collins, a Caesar Salad for Angel, one Turkey sandwich for Mark and a soy burger for... Roger!" Mimi sat my food down and I stood up to give her a hug. Mimi looked good. She has a new softness about her, like she had found her inner peace. I couldn't be happier for her.

I sat back down and Mimi grabbed a chair from the table next to us and pulled it up to the end of the table. Mark latched on to my arm again, so I pulled him into my lap. He rested his head on my collarbone and let go of my arm.

"So, how have you been Mimi?"

"I have been wonderful!" She looked down to the other end of the table and a soft smile appeared on her face. "I got married two years ago to Jonathan." She showed me her ring and I gave an appropriate whistle. "The little girl down there is Brittany, my daughter... well not mine biologically, but I helped raise her." 

I looked over to Brittany, who was eating her food and she was an apparently important discussion with Maureen, so she had more food on her then in her mouth.

"She really looks like you Mimi." They did look alike. It was almost hard to believe they were not related.

"Just wait until summer! She tans so much, even I think she looks like she could be mine!"

We talked and laughed together for a while until I noticed Mark had not eaten anything.

I stopped talking to Mimi and placed my hand on Mark's upper thigh. It startled him a bit, but as I went to pull my hand away, Mark put his on top of mine.

I went back to eating as Mimi tried to strike up a conversation with Mark. He just looked into his lap and leaned against my chest. I was almost done when I noticed Mark still hadn't eaten anything. The pills Angel gave him must have ruined his appetite, but it still wasn't healthy to go with out eating. I still had fries on my plate, so I lifted one to marks mouth. He looked at me, and then back to the fry, then he opened his mouth. I stuck the fry in and he ate it.

Mark had gotten a sandwich, so I tore off the end and held it up to his mouth. Yet again he ate it, so I continued to feed him by hand.

Even though Mark had not talked since we left the hospital that did not stop me from talking to him. He would smile at me and laugh silently a lot, so I knew my one sided conversation was not just wasted effort.

I wasn't paying attention to anyone but Mark until some one came up to me and tapped on my shoulder.

A teenaged girl was standing behind me when I looked up.

"Excuse me, but are you Roger Davis?" The girl said with a blush on her cheeks,

Couldn't anyone tell I was busy? Mark and I were having a great time until some one just had to come up and put that fun on hold. I really wanted to tell her no, but I smiled anyway. "Yes." I answered.

"Oh, my God. I love your music! Umm... Would you sigh my CD?"

Great. Just what I wanted to do! Stop paying attention to some one I love to sigh a teenybopper's CD. But as always, I agreed. She held out the case to my second CD and a sharpie. At least she came prepared.

I quickly scribbled out my signature and handed it back to the girl, then, I went back to ignoring her. A few seconds later, she bothered me again.

"Ummm... can I take your picture?"

I sighed and mouthed an apology to Mark before giving her a reluctant "sure".

She took out a digital camera and snapped a picture (not so quickly) and I yet again turned my attention back to Mark. But of course, she didn't leave me alone.

"Mr. Davis... Could you come over and say hello to my friends. We are all huge fans of yours."

I gave her a 'are you serious' look.

That didn't stop her though. She gave me the shittiest puppy eyed dog look and forced her lip to tremble.

Some people are just pathetic.

"I am sorry, but I just got back into town and I am spending time with MY friends right now."

The girl did not look happy at that. He face actually turned an unattractive shade of purple.

"You're mean!" She yelled. Everyone in the Life looked in on us. I could feel the stares on us.

Apparently Mark could to because he whimpered and franticly straddled my lap and buried his head into the center of my chest. I turned all of my attention to Mark, not caring that the girl was still behind me. I stroked his neck and whispered softly to him.

Angel stood up to the girl and said a few things. I really wasn't listening. I knew she stomped off when Angel sat back down.

It was around two when we decided to go to the park and do nothing around there. Mimi was officially off work so she came too.

The walk over to the park was tough. Mark didn't seem to want to have anything to do with people, so I ended up half carrying him when ever people would walk by us, but we made it to the park in one piece.

It was weird not seeing Mark with his camera. He looked so lost without the camera I joked and said was attached to his face and I wanted to give him one right then.

I ended up chasing birds with Brittany. She was a fun kid. She acted a lot older then three, but she still knew how to be a kid. I started thinking up a happy riff for her.

Once we got tired of birds that 'didn't want to play' every one sat under the Willow tree that was in the center of the park.

It was so peaceful here. It felt wonderful to have Mark leaning up against my chest.

We sat around for a few hours and I fell asleep at one point. Brittany started tickling me, so I tickled her back, which started an all out tickle war. Even Mark participated more then anyone expected. Once we were all laughed out we fell into a big pile.

I had Mark's head on my chest, my feet here propped up on Maureen's back and my head was in Angel's lap.

I watched as a lady came past us speed walking and slowed her steps to scowl at us. I pointed it out to Joanne who was next to me. It cracked her up and her laughing caused all of us to start again.

Once the sun started to fall, so did out happiness. Mark had to go back. Once the clock struck eight, he had to be in his room. We tried to put it off as long as possible, but eventually Angel, Collins, Mark and I got into Angel's car (which was still parked at the Life) and headed back to the hospital.

Mark wouldn't sit in his own seat so he sat on my lap again. He was almost asleep when we got to the parking lot, so I carried him into the hospital. I held on to him as Angel went through a routine of checking his arms and putting him back in the issued clothes. I hated being forced to watch as Mark's eyes dimmed as he went through the procedure.

Another nurse came around to make sure Mark was in his room and told us all visitors needed to go. Mark dug his fingers into my arm and held on as tight as he possibly could.

"No no no no no! You can't leave me again! Please don't go!" I looked Mark straight in the eyes and all I could see was pain. "Don't go away from me again!"

The nurse clicked her heel. "Sir, it is time to leave, please exit the room"

Angel came over and tried to get Mark to let go of my arm, but she had no success. "Come on Mark. Let go. He will be back when you wake up. Please Mark, do this peacefully. You know what I will have to do if you don't" Angel looked spooked at what was going on.

I did some quick thinking and came up with a solution that wouldn't hurt Mark.

I pulled his face up to mine and pressed my lips to his. He was shocked, but responded back quickly. He loosened his grip on my arm and because he was still leaning on me, I carefully laid him down, my lips still on his.

I gently broke the kiss and stood up, stroking his hair.

"I love you Mark. I promise I will be here as early as I can in the morning." I kissed him again and he let his hands fall from my arms. I tucked him in under the blankets and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight"

I backed out of the room and I heard a soft "I love you too Roger" before I shut the door.

I turned around and saw Angel trying to keep her tears back. She noticed I was out of the room and came over and gave me a hug.

"Thank you Honey. I was really scared back there. Mark is never like this. I am not blaming you for anything, I actually think he is better then he has been in three years, but I have only had to give him tranquilizers once before. I think it scared me more then him.

Collins came back from putting Mark's stuff in Angel' office and took Angel from my arms. Collins just nodded to me in understanding and cuddled Angel to his chest.

"What time can I come tomorrow?"

"Doors open to visitors at nine, but you can come with me at seven."

"What time does Mark wake up?"

Angel thought for a moment before answering, "It depends if he actually goes to sleep tonight. If he does, then he will be up around eight, but if not then he will be up all night. But, I have a feeling he will sleep tonight."

"Okay, I will be up at six"

"Where are you going to stay?"

"A hotel or somethi-"

"No your not! You still have a room at the loft, so you will be sleeping there."

I smiled and Angel linked arms with me, leading me out to the cars. I drove Collins' and parked it by my car. At that moment, I realized that this trip was more worth it then I expected.

You know, reviews are like money. You can never have enough. 


	4. Author Note

Hey guys.

Umm... Ok, so this is just an author note.

I am really sorry I have not updated in so long. Real life has gotten in the way. I just finished up my show, and I am now starting on three new ones.

Thank you to every one who has stuck by this story, it really means a lot to me.

Christmas Break is coming up, so I will be home a lot more to post.

Thank you all so much,  
Bailey 


	5. Chapter 4

So... WooHoo Look at me! I lied again! Christmas Break came and went and now it is February! But, this is better then never right! Okay so...

This chapter is dedicated to:  
Empath89 (my beta) Cameragirl (who made me get my butt in shape to write this) Anna (from Elsie's Barn (Which now hosts this story!)) And every other person who has told me to get on with it!

Chapter 4- Time Together (The song belongs to Adam Pascal)

I was wide-awake at six o'clock. I honestly did not think I would ever be able to wake up at six... I don't think I ever had before.

I woke up, took a shower, got dressed and ate a nutritious breakfast of Cap'n Crunch then I sat and played my guitar softly, waiting for the others to wake up. I actually got to see Collins get up. It was amusing. He tripped coming out of his room, then he almost tripped over a chair. He still looked asleep.

Angel walked out at 6:30, done perfectly in her nurse's outfit. I have no idea how anyone could just waltz out of a room, that early in the morning and look spectacular, but Angel as always, was.

"Ready to go?"

"Yep, lets go see Mark" I put down my guitar and followed Angel out the door.

I was forced to get a badge again, but this time I got a nice laminated one. The lady at the front desk was kind of scary. She knew all of my information. ALL of it. Needless to say I got away from her as fast as I could once I got the badge.

Angel met me in the hallway and led me to Mark's room, telling me he was asleep, so I slipped in to his room as quietly as I could.

He was sound asleep and didn't even twitch at the noise of the door closing. He used to be the lightest sleeper I had even known. I wouldn't be able to walk outside my room without Mark coming out of his room to make sure I was all right.

After my musing session I walked over to the bed and sat by Mark's chest. He must have sensed warmth because he curled around me. I didn't think it was that cold in the room, but I wasn't going to protest holding him.

I let him curl up around me and he ended up with an arm out in front of my stomach. I twisted around to move a piece of shaggy hair from his forehead, and my shirt rode up a bit. Before I knew it, I had four freezing digits on my side. Holy shit were his hands cold!

After moving his hand off my bare skin, I stood up.

Once the warmth had left the bed Mark curled up in a fetal position and started whimpering.

Quickly I took off my jacket and lay down chest to chest with Mark. He clutched on to my shirt and I place my arm around his waist and pulled him closer.

I stayed awake just watching him, taking in all of the details, some of which I had burned into my memory, some were brand new to me. Mark had really not changed that much, and for that I was glad. Mark had always been my constant, he was there through all of the break ups, he was there when heroine was not, hell he was there when I stumbled in at three in the morning, pissed off my ass and singing songs from West Side Story. Mark was always there. My Mark.

I just mused silently, rubbing his back and arms. After an hour or so, Mark started to wake up. He rubbed his face on my shoulder and picked his head up. He caught my gaze and slowly brought his now warm hand up and ran his fingers over my face like a blind man... Mark was kind of blind without his glasses...

I just stayed still until he got to my lips. When I felt the soft pressure on them, I brought my hand up to hold his still and kissed his fingers. Mark sucked in his breath and gave a shuttering sigh before he collapsed in my arms.

I had clasped my arms around the middle of his back when I felt wetness on my shoulder and his body shaking. It didn't take a genius to know he was crying.

I pulled him fully on top of me and rubbed his back soothingly for a couple of minutes, and then I started to sing to him.

"It's okay, you're not alone You're on the luckiest star that's taken you far away Did you know, that the rain in the yard has taken to going insane?  
A little nuts...oh, a little lost

I know the story's getting old I know the time it takes to fall Sometimes it's all you need A kiss, a please, a wave goodbye, A dream, a drug, a kiss goodnight Sometimes it's all you need (1)

Mark's sobs had lessened and I knew he was listening, so I continued. I had written this song for a band member when they were going through depression, but now the song fit for Mark perfectly.

Once I finished my song, Mark had dried tear tracks on his face and puffy red eyes, but to me, he looked so raw, so real, and so beautiful.

"Why did you leave, Roger? You left me." The tears started again, and he was looking me straight in the eye.

"I came back, Mark" He nodded against my chest.

"Why did you leave?" Mark asked, searching my face for the answer. I put a hand on each side of his face and made him look me in the eye.

"I know it was irrational and irresponsible. I just couldn't stay here Mark! I'm not that strong! After Mimi's withdrawal, I thought I was going to loose my mind. I had to get out of the city. It wasn't like I had never done that before! It may not make much sense now, but at the time it was the perfect plan. I was going to leave for a while, get my ground back, and then come back here. What I didn't expect was to be playing in a cafŽ in California. I didn't expect for a record head to be drinking his daily coffee that morning. I didn't expect to be playing for an entire board of record producers later that day. I didn't expect to have a record deal two weeks later. Everything just went so fast!"

Mark and gotten off of me at some point of my explanation and I was now standing in the middle of the tiny room using big hand gestures as I spoke.

"I didn't sleep much at all for the first year. I was working so hard with my music. I always seemed to have something to work so hard for! Concerts, CD, hell, anything there is to loose sleep over I have done it! Every time I stopped working, I would start thinking. I would think about Mimi, April, the Loft, New York and you. Mostly you Mark! Do you have any idea the number of times I have sworn I have heard you say, 'Take your AZT' or just sworn I had seen you over at the other side videotaping something!"

I took a deep breath and waited for Mark to do his share of ranting, but it never came. I stood in place looking at Mark while Mark looked at the ceiling.

"God, I want my camera. Imagine the documentary I would be able to do on this place."

"That would be a different side of your usual films"

"Yah... but it would be cool"

That started our conversation. Now I was home. I had Mark talking about his ideas for documentary while I talked about music. I missed this more then I would ever admit.

I was sitting against the wall on the bed with Mark in between my legs when Angel walked in at eight.

She had a shocked look on her face, but after what Mark had been through, with him not liking to be touched by any but Angel herself, seeing him sitting with me must have been a new sight.

BeepBeepBeep

Both Angel and my beepers went off at the same time.

Mark jumped off my lap gracefully and left the room. Before I could say anything, Angel stopped me.

"He just went to my office. Wait to take your meds... he won't believe you if you took them and he didn't see."

"Uh... Okay." I pulled my bottle out of my jacket (which was still on the floor) and sat back on the bed.

Mark came back in and gave Angel her meds, and then he turned to me. 

"Where are yours?" I held out the orange bottle to him. He took one out and put it in my hand.

I swallowed it dry and smiled at him, and my smile grew when he smiled back. Mark's smiles were still adorable, so adorable, I had to kiss him.

I was cautious about taking if further then just a lip on lip kiss, but if Mark felt threatened he would pull away... right?

Well... no day but today.

I slowly opened my mouth and drew his lower lip into my mouth. Mark quickly pulled back and looked into my eyes, then turned his head to look around the room. We were alone.

He focused back on me and climbed on to my lap. I scooted the short way to the wall.

I was surprised to find Mark started the kissing. I pulled him in closer by his neck. This time he accepted my tongue and out matched me in passion.

Kissing Mark was better then I had ever imagined.

One time I heard Maureen telling April the one reason she kept Mark was because he was an excellent kisser.

She was right, but unlike her, I was never going to let Mark go.

(1) The Time it Takes to Fall- Adam Pascal, Model Prisoner

Hey people, thank you for your reviews.

Renthead (I love you, you know!), Harper's Pixie, angel of chaos, Jessica, Anita-chan, PeaceB , Nette, Operatic, yitzhaklova, Godmother, houselover87, Karmawiccan, Luxis-lil, HoorayTheWeird OnetoughRentaliousdiva814, IdontOwnEmotion, that's-poetic, Mucho Masturbation, Rock and Sarcasm, Sir Gawain of Camelot, today 4 U, rikkairora

I love you all, thank you for the patience. I can't promise to get the next chapter up soon, but I WILL try. My life is pretty hectic right now, but I do have the story all written, just not typed up!

Later!  
-Bailey 


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